【softcore eroticism】

A man in Norway just topped all your Ikea desk assembly war stories for a lifetime.

Claus Jørstad,softcore eroticism 45, wrote a lengthy complaint on the Ikea Norway Facebook page, detailing the harrowing tale of how he inadvertently caught his testicle in a small hole on the company's Marius chair.

Just in case you don't read Norwegian, according to The Daily Dot, Jørstad wrote that he placed the plastic chair inside his shower. While sitting and washing himself during a steamy cleanse, he noticed he accidentally got stuck.

"Sitting there and noticing the accident, I bent down to see what the f*ck happened, I realized the little nutter has got stuck," Jørstad wrote.

Apparently the hot water caused his nether regions (which he delightfully refers to as the "skipper and two boatmen") to expand.

"The water turned cold by itself. So I started freezing. The water got cold. Even more cold than my mother-in-law’s smile when I married her daughter," said Jørstad.

So, Jørstad's "boatmen" eventually returned to their normal size.

Ikea Norway responded on Facebook, "Hey Claus. We recommend that you take the stool out of the shower...if you choose to keep it in the shower, make sure you are well dressed for your next sea excursion."

The retailer also suggested taking the stool out of the shower and using it to hold a nice flower pot.

Jørstad decided to try out keeping a towel on the chair, aptly named the "weinermonkey," to prevent any mishaps in the future.

Jørstad now keeps the Marius stool elsewhere in the house. Instead of asking for a refund, Jørstad simply asked Ikea if the chair came in yellow.

BONUS: Thanks Netflix.

View this post on Instagram