【the ascendence of eroticism】

It's official: Donald J. Trump,the ascendence of eroticism former president of the United States of America and current Republican candidate for the presidency, is a convicted felon.

And while we wait for sentencing on July 11, four days before the Republican National Convention, it may not surprise you that the internet has thoughts on what should happen next.

In a surprisingly fast turnaround for a case of this magnitude, a Manhattan jury took just a few days to reach the guilty verdict. Also surprising: the jury found him guilty beyond reasonable doubt on every one of the 34 counts of fraud connected to the Stormy Daniels hush money case. Reporters had earlier expected the jury wouldn't reach a verdict for another day at least.

The jury worked fast, in other words — but so did the internet, led by Wikipedia editors. (Update: the change has been removed, and Trump's page on Wikipedia has been locked.)

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Each count carries a fine of up to $5,000 plus a four-year sentence (they would run concurrently) at Judge Juan Merchan's discretion. Those expecting jail time may be disappointed; fines are a more usual punishment in this kind of first-time fraud case.

Social media denizens quickly suggested that Trump could no longer vote for himself in his current home state, Florida. But a correction soon followed: Trump will still be able to vote so long as he is not actually incarcerated.

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One of the most frequently asked questions: Can Trump still run for president, even as a convicted felon? The answer, bizarrely, is yes.

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Regardless, the historic moment was an occasion for online news outlets to try out appropriate headline ideas. One of the oldest and most controversial, the Drudge Report, repeated the word "guilty" 34 times.

Over on Twitter/X, users also battled for eyeballs with the best jokes they could muster. Dictionary.com went for an unbeatable subtweet:

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Anthony Scaramucci, who infamously worked as director of communications at the Trump White House for just 10 days, may been teeing this one up for a while:

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While, of course, many Americans parsed the news through the lens of celebrity culture and memes.

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