【eroticism as embodied emotion: the eroticsof renaissance faire】

Forget the questions you’re meant to ask about potential soulmates,eroticism as embodied emotion: the eroticsof renaissance faire “Does she have a good sense of humor?” “Does he like cats?” Who cares!

The only real question you need to be asking yourself if you want to find a solid life partner is “Do they watch HGTV?”

Why, you might wonder, does this help me? What about being a devoted viewer of our country’s very best cable channel makes someone a better life partner? Well, let me tell youuuuuuuuu.

First and most importantly, a love of HGTV proves that you are curious and care about other people. House Hunters (and it’s more escapist cousin House Hunters International), Love It or List It, Beachfront Bargain Hunters, Caribbean Life, Log Cabin Living. They’re all about other people’s lives.

If you’re capable of getting invested, even if just for 30 minutes, in the mundane choices that strangers on TV make about their homes, think about how good you’d be at caring about someone IRL. Find someone who dedicates an entire afternoon to binge-watching House Hunters, and they’re gonna be the best partner ever.

The flipside of this is that anyone who gets into these shows also gets off on judging the choices of others. And what could possibly make someone more fun to hang out with than a finely-honed ability to make fun of other people? Nothing brings people together like a shared hatred of someone else’s need to have a man cave or a kitchen dripping in marble countertops.

An obsession with HGTV is also a sign that you’ll be a great partner when the time comes to take the plunge into the real estate market together. You don’t watch all those shows without picking up a few practical pointers.

Watching renovations marathons together is also a genius way of assessing whether you share the same values and priorities when it comes to how you live. And it's an excellent way to fantasize about the kind of house -- not to mention the kind of relationship -- you'd like to build together.

Obviously if you're not looking to settle down, you probably don't want to hook up with someone who prefers to spend 24-48 hours every weekend glued to the couch. (Though, honestly, don't knock that lifestyle unless you've tried it.) This advice only applies if you're looking to land someone for the long term.

If that's you and, heaven forbid, your crush is not a fan of watching people house hunt and squabble over paint colors and the need for a giant living room in which to entertain, drop them like you'd drop a termite-infested three-bedroom fixer upper.