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SPOILER ALERT: This post contains spoilers for the Season 4 finale of Jane the Virgin: "Chapter Eighty-One."

If you spent your weekend in an emotional spiral about a TV show,family sex videos you're not alone (you never will be!). Jane the Virgin's jaw-dropping season finale did a real number on the show's fans, but now that the initial shock has worn off, we have some major theories about whyand how Michael Cordero is standing alivein Rafael's living room.

Here's our amnesia plot

In the previous episode, River Fields (Brooke Shields) is introduced to telenovelas and to the quintessential amnesia plot, which Jane has never done. We've done estranged family members and secret twins and unexpected pregnancies (a few of them), so we think it's time for this tried and true telenovela trope.

Michael faked his own death

Jane the Virgindoesn't have a subreddit, but it sure deserves one for fans' attention to detail. Michael being alive is no new theory, and there is certainly compelling evidencethat he went undercover to save his loved ones by faking his own death. Still, it's hard to believe he wouldn't at least send Jane or his parents a sign that he's okay and instead put them through the emotional pain.

There are only two reasons Michael would do this: 1) to protect his family, which has been threatened by Sin Rostro in the past, or 2) to pursue a case, which seems less likely because Rose is now in jail anyway and he loses precious years with Jane and Mateo!

That's not Michael

In Season 1, we learn that Rose a.k.a. Sin Rostro has a highly skilled team devoted to facial reconstruction for criminals in her network (she personally opts for Mission: Impossible-style masks). There are two parts to this theory: One is that Rose simply sent a decoy with Michael's face to distract Jane and Rafael. The other is that the decoyis the one who died in Season 3, and this is the real Michael.

But then where was he all this time?

Michael was kidnapped

Too mired in the web of Sin Rostro's lies, Rose decides to kidnap and torture our favorite detective and fake his death so his loved ones don't look for him. I don't like this theory because it makes me sad!

Now, if I may entreat us for a moment to let rest the pressing mystery of Michael Cordero, and puzzle over the other big mystery that finale left us with:

#JRShotWho?

First of all, it's whom, but that is neither here nor there. Petra's blackmailer reveals their true identity in this finale, and judging by her reaction, it's someone she knows. Is it her old flame, Lachlan? Is it Milos, for the 500th time? Or maybe it's Scott Archuleta, because death means nothing on this show!

Both mysteries could connect to the mysterious shot of a pair of shoes that appeared ominously earlier this season, a shot the narrator alluded to as evil on the way. Certainly Michaelcan't be evil – unless everything that's happened to him changed that?? Certainly the evil one is whoever blackmailed and tried to kill Petra. Or is it someone else entirely?