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I know that the Olympic Opening Ceremony is MILF | Adult Movies Onlinegoing to be this Friday in Rio de Janeiro. It’s an easy Google search.

However, when I searched “Am I going to the Olympics?” I found no conclusive results.

If you haven’t watched it, the Olympics are a two-week long athletic competition featuring teams from around the world. (The event is sort of regarded as the Olympics of sports.) 

I’ve been a long time fan of the Ol' games. I remember cheering for Michael Phelps as he won the most gold medals by any one athlete in 2008. I jumped off of my couch in celebration when Usain Bolt won three events in a single Olympics. And how could I ever forget the overwhelming inspiration I felt when I saw the McDonald’s commercial of the Winter 2013 Olympics?

It's always been my dream to participate in the Olympics. I know I am not alone in this dream. By my estimate, at least 20 other people want this. 

But how do you find out if you're going? Does someone call you? How do I score an invite?

I understand that you need to be good at something in order to go. I know that you miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take. I learned that from Wayne Gretzky. I also know that you have to be young, scrappy and hungry in order to not throw away your shot. I learned that, too, from Wayne Gretzky.

In the past, I knew I didn’t put enough work into my exercise regimen to earn one of those coveted spots on the United States team. But this year, things are different. No, Iam different. 

My gym membership wasn't just a subscription I forgot to cancel, like Tidal or Hulu Plus. I worked out at least once a month. I went for weekly runs, and not just after the mailman when I've forgotten to pay a bill. Additionally, I moved several times, and never, not once, hired a moving company. 

My body reflects these changes. I've gained 54 pounds, all of which, I assume, are muscle mass. The doctor also said that I'm scoring way higher on my cholesterol, which sounds thrilling.

I even selected my event: running. 

I’ve always been a runner, whether it was away from a middle school bully, or the altar (upon realizing my supposed betrothed was just my middle school bully, catfishing me years later. Nice try, George! Who’ll have the last laugh once I win the gold?)

Yet, none of this means I'll be going to the Olympics. Now I'm left wondering: would I know by now if I were going to the Olympics? Like, would they have invited me? I know there are trials, which is why I’ve been timing myself. I sent the Olympics a letter with my improved times.

Here's what I do know:

• A plane ticket to Rio for the Olympics is around $1,500. 
  

• A plane ticket to Rio for the Olympics will be well over $2,000 if I sit in Economy Plus (and as an Olympic athlete, I do believe I should be in at least Economy Plus).
  

• A hotel would be $7,000 for the duration of the Olympics. I do not have this much money, so it would be really cool if I found out how I could get reimbursed.
  

• Usain Bolt is regarded as the greatest runner of our time. 
  

Here's what I need to know:

• Who decides if you’re going to the Olympics?
  

• Did my letter make it to the correct people?
  

• Am I going to the Olympics? Should I buy a shirt that says “TEAM USA”?
  

• Could I beat Usain Bolt?
  

If you know that you’re going to the Olympics, could you tell me how you found out? If any of you are the Manager of the Olympics, could you please tell me if I'm going? I am confident in my abilities to run quickly and avoid the Zika virus.