【Imaginary Sex With A Woman Who Does Anything】

Brits are Imaginary Sex With A Woman Who Does Anythingroyally cheesed off after a "diabolical" cheeseboard event left hundreds of people bitterly disappointed. This debacle of epic proportions has even been likened to this summer's Fyre Festival.

The £30-a-head ($40) "Giant Cheese Board" event—which purported to be "cheesy heaven" on earth—had so much promise. Per a Facebook event, the multi-day event claimed to be an enormous cheese board that could be walked around and feasted upon.

"Carving off slices of your favourite Emmental, Red Leicester, Edam, Brie and every other cheese you can imagine? Surrounded by cheese, rolling around in cheese...eating so much ch...sorry, got carried away," reads the event description.

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"This is going to change your lives forever," the description continued. But, life-changing this festival was not.

Over the weekend, myriad Cheese Board-goers vented their fury and dismay using the hashtag #GiantCheeseBoard. Cold mulled wine, long queues, "shop-bought cheese," a dearth of bread, overcrowding, an absence of "giant camembert," and "very average" cheeses were among the abundant complaints.

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Mark Byrne, who attended the event with his boyfriend and two friends, told Mashable about his experience at the Giant Cheese Board. "We found 4 trestle tables like you'd get in a school disco with some small silver trays with cheese on," says Byrne. "By the time we got there the goats cheese had run out and the girl behind the table said she'd asked for more and they told her no."

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But, the cheesy sorrows didn't end there for Byrne and his friends. "It was also disgusting that there were no serving utensils so people just walking around these tables grabbing cheese with their bare hands (we also later discovered there was no loo roll etc in the toilets so God only knows what was being passed around)," he continued.

To Byrne's chagrin, they discovered that the mulled wine had "reduced" alcohol content and was "limited to those with tokens," which they had not received. "The halloumi part wasn't open as the chef was apparently ill, same as for the 'giant baked camembert' not being available (not sure why someone else couldn't grill some halloumi but there we go)," he says.

Daniel John Lynch was working at the event as a steward. He'd been hired to dress up as Tom from Tom and Jerry and to keep "crowds entertained and answer any questions they may have."

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Lynch says the event was delayed due to "a last minute delivery of crackers and other food items," which caused an enormous queue to build up. "There was then 500+ people sent through the doors and in to a nightclub which had been decorated by what can only be described as a school prom committee," says Lynch.

"There were only five standard cheeses available (none of which were vegan as advertised), the mulled wine and cider was lukewarm at best, but mostly cold," says Lynch, who added that staff were "disengaged and constantly eating and drinking."

Lynch also says that at one point "there was nearly a riot" with around 50 people chanting "refund, refund." During the evening session, Lynch, who'd been trying to deal with people's complaints, decided "enough was enough" and walked out of the shift. "The whole thing was vile. From the way staff were treated to the storage of food and the presentation."

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Ben Ross, who also attended the event, says his experience was negative, largely because his expectations didn't match up to reality.

"We enter the room, oh, it's a nightclub venue, how odd, but on the right is the dance floor, on the left is a small area, which has trestle tables down two sides with a few large trays piled with the same cheeses," says Ross. To his dismay, the goats cheese was all gone by the time they'd finished queuing.

"There is, to disagree with some reports, a table of vegan cheese in the corner. I'm not surprised if people never saw it because by now it's standing room only and you can barely get into the marquee," he added.

After a deluge of complaints on Twitter and Facebook, the organisers of the event responded to disappointed customers in a Facebook post by refuting many of the criticisms.

The organisers denied the claim that the cheeses were store-bought. "The cheeses were sourced from some of the UK and Europe's best specialty cheese makers, dairies and farms," reads the post.

The post also said that the claim that there "was not unlimited cheese" was "completely untrue!"

"There are 11 different cheese stations serving all day and night with totally unlimited amounts of cheese throughout," read the post.

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They also denied the criticism that they ran out of cheese, and noted that the comments about cold mulled wine are not true. "We serve from heated dispensers (which once again is a provable fact!) it was a cold day in December so of course, the drinks are going to cool down fairly quickly but they were absolutely not cold when served," read the post.

The organisers of the Giant Cheese Board did not immediately respond to Mashable's request for comment.

Absolutely unBRIElievable.