【Lena Paul - The Next Morning】

Disney's Beauty and Lena Paul - The Next Morningthe Beastis easily one of the greatest and gayest children's movies of all time.

The company recently made headlines after deciding to include a single gay character in their latest live-action version.

Critics called their inclusion of one gay character groundbreaking -- which it was -- but as any unhealthy obsessed fan of the movie knows, the original Beauty and the Beast was rich with queer subtexts and characters (or at least, ones we could dream about).

Listen: the movie came out (hardee-har) in 1991. Few people were openly queer on television, and certainly not in Disney princess movies. And animated tea cups can't *technically* have hypothetical sexualities, because they're . . . animated tea cups.

No matter. Queer representation was and remains limited. All the queer community had were beautiful and technically unsupported fan theories, theories I would now like to advance as fact.

Below is list of characters from Beauty and the Beast who are very likely queer but who just haven't come out yet, and may in future versions.

1. Cogsworth

Face it: Cogsworth is one gay clock. A caring, tidy clock who just so happens to be in love with a charming candelabra named Lumière. Of course, neither Lumière nor Cogsworth can go public with their relationship and risk the wrath of an insecure buffalo literally named the Beast. But just look at how they look at each other throughout the entire movie. If only we could all find animated love like this.

2. Lumière

Lumière may want you to believe he's a lady's candelabra having a fling with a French mop, but she's just his beard. Do you honestly see them developing a real relationship?

His true love has always been Cogsworth, and he's not afraid to shower him with affection in front of Mrs. Potts and Chip, who is too young and innocent to know what's going on. Lumière is only able to help the Beast precisely because he knows what it's like to love in an atmosphere of shame. This is no bromance. Lumière is no bro. This is love.

3. Belle

Yes, fine, Belle loves the Beast, a sputtering Buffalo with an intermittent rage disorder and a George W. Bush-level of skill in art. We've all had no choice but to accept that inconvenient truth. But Belle spent years single by choice before she decided to form a relationship.

Do you really think there was no one available in her "small" little town? How could she go that long without intimacy? Educated, independent, feminist Belle must've had at least one queer fling in her teens before she met the Beast.

4. Gaston

Gaston's entire purpose in life is to let us know he's not gay. He's literally slept with every woman in town, or so he's bragged via song.

Perhaps Gaston over-performs his masculinity precisely because he lives in such a homophobic French small town/fictional Disney movie. If only he could freely express his gender and sexuality, maybe he wouldn't feel the need to constantly assert it. As the nation's leading unlicensed Disney psychologist, I find it very convenient that Gaston went after Belle, one of the few unavailable women in town.

5. The town hairdresser

Obviously, stereotypes aren't real and not all male hairdressers are gay, but this one is. While everyone else logically obsesses over Belle, he remains completely indifferent. Look at the clip. This guy could give AF that there's a beautiful woman skipping past his door literally leading a whole horrible town in song. He's either not that interested in women or not that interested in town sing-a-longs.

The latter is, we all know, impossible.

6. LeFou

Oh, poor LeFou. It's a little disappointing that he's the only out gay character in Disney's newest version of Beauty and The Beast, and not a particularly positive one. But regardless of what we think of LeFou as an animated person, we're all very happy for him. LeFou is so queer Disney could barely disguise it in the original. If only Gaston could come to the same conclusion, what a beautiful romance would develop, if only in our minds.

Will any of these characters come out and make so many us happy in future versions of the Beauty and the Beast?Definitely not. We're probably going to have to settle for LeFou.

Alas, that's what the internet's for. A fan theory is a wish your heart makes.