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Real talk is sex video anallike sweet, frigid-ass lemonade on a sweaty, hot day: refreshing.

America, Lara Trump is here to give you the lemonade that will parch your news-starved throats. Who better to slice a hot knife through all the fake news out there than President Donald Trump's second most powerful child-in-law?

Lara Trump launched "Real News" on Trump's Facebook page this past Sunday, and it seems like this is gonna be a weekly thing, which, thank the gods to whom you pray, because if you're like me, you've been scouring the internet for weeks just begging it to produce more news video. REAL news, like Lara said. No funny business with the tricky graphics or whatever, just give me somebody saying some words I could read in 1/4 the time. Inject that shit straight into my red-blooded American veins.

Lara Trump, who's leading the president's 2020 effort and is married to Trump's second-oldest son, Eric, is evidently the anchor for this little program. In the inaugural episode, she talks about #GoodTrumpNews that is #Real and #NotFake while sitting in front of the blue Trump backdrop that inspires either love or nausea depending on your political affiliation.

"I bet you haven't heard about all the accomplishments the president had this week because there's so much fake news out there," is how Lara Trump starts the video after introducing herself. The president had accomplishments!

Lara Trump's got a lot of courage going up against Game of Throneson Sunday night, but the only way to be the best is to beat the best, as the sports people say. You know what, I am already vibrating with anticipation for next week's edition of Lara Trump Says Words to Me. Quaking, really. If only there was a way to fast-forward time so I might know what accomplishments the president was going to have. If only.